Meanwhile....

My dad had been diagnosed with the beginning stages of Alzheimers the previous summer. 
Things were getting increasingly worse.  On new years my grandmother broke her hip and had it replaced twice in the next couple of weeks.  She never really got better. 
By Valentine's Day, I flew to California to say "Goodbye."  She had lost so much strength and will, she wouldn't eat and couldn't talk.  At first, I thought I might surprise her, but her conditioned worsened before I got there.  I told my Mom, "Tell her I am coming, give her something new to be excited about."  That did the trick.  She leveled out, but still not in great shape.
The first day I saw her, she looked up, her eyes fluttered, then she winked and mouthed "I love you."  I nearly lost my cool.  But she had been a rock for me in my life and now it was my turn.  She looked so frail, so vulnerable.
I spent the afternoon feeding her, holding her hand and trying to share some trivial info about my new job, location and such.  She finally fell asleep.  So I left for the day.
The next day, she was visually improved.  She started making sounds and ate quite a bit more than the previous day.  In general, she was more responsive.   I was building hope, but knew it would be a long road ahead.  She lasted a little longer before falling asleep.  I would come back tomorrow.
The next day, she was even better!  She fed herself and she gobbled it down!  It was such a huge relief!  I can't take all the credit, but it sure reminded me how the love between family members is a powerful thing.

The next chapter...

Around November 2008, not long after I moved to Montana, I found out that my Mom was staying with my sister for an extended stay.  I figured my sister was going on a military assignment or something.
Around Christmas time, I found out that Mom's breast cancer had resurfaced.
I felt betrayed.  No one told me again.... until well after.
I felt like I was a bad daughter, because I couldn't be there to help. (I don't know how I could have helped.)
I felt like a "puppy sucking hind tit." HOW DID I GET SO LOW ON THE FOOD CHAIN!!!
I was hurt.  My Mom decided not to tell me because I had just moved, starting a new job and was concerned with putting me under extra stress.
I will stop here for the night because the next diatribe will go on for a while.
Remember, life is a cycle, we just don't know where we are in that cycle.

From the beginning...

In October,2005, I found out that my mom had breast cancer and my father had prostate cancer.  Needless to say the heartbreak was unimaginable.  I felt so lost.
I couldn't eat, when I did, it wasn't staying around for long.
I finally went to visit them, I didn't realize that they had been undergoing tests and had tons of lab work.  This was the first time I felt out of the loop!
Mom had a mastectomy on her left breast and had reconstruction to the other.  Dad went to Loma Linda Cancer Institute and had proton therapy.  He is clear to this day.  However, about 2.5 years ago, he was diagnosed with Alzheimers.
And that is the first part of the journey.

The first day...

I finally did this.  I needed a forum to get what is in my head out there.  I struggle day to day with the fact that both of my parents are ill.  I live a long ways from them and my sister.  She isn't the best at keeping me updated. 
I feel disconnected from my family. 
To top it off, I moved to my current community in Nov. 08.  I haven't made a lot of friends yet, due to the nature of my work.  So all my BEST friends are far from me too.
It can feel a bit lonely at times.